Growing up with Disney I assumed that finding someone to date would be easy… Or according to Disney, finding someone to marry would be easy. But in this day and age kissing someone whilst they are sleeping is a big no no. I should have realised that I am not a Disney princess because when I sing birds fly away rather than sit on my finger and sing with me. Then Disney’s ‘Brave’, Merida doesn’t really sing in her movie and now I’m wondering if Disney were stereotyping Scottish girls and shattering my dreams.
When I heard about dating apps I just assumed it was for the insane. I imagined people meeting such strangers online and wondering if it turns into an episode of CSI.
Until I set up my own online profile and became a hypocrite.
Tinder is fun at first, swiping left and right and then acting like you’ve got a new high score when you actually match with someone. It’s useful for killing time with friends and laughing about what you’ve put in your bio or what awful chat up line you have used. Of course adding ‘sexy’ pictures that are actually just you dressed up as a TellyTubby and thinking ‘if a guy doesn’t find me attractive dressed like this then there’s no hope for me’.
The online profiles I have are on Tinder and POF (Plenty of Fish). Which consist of the same pictures and terribly lame bio on both.
I have yet to do the official meet up as I have been very unlucky either due to the conversation simply dying or the person has proven my earlier theory that the site is a home for the insane. However, my experiences with chatting with guys on these sites have been very entertaining.
I’m not sure which site I think is worse. Both are equally entertaining and have the options to message and potentially meet up with a guy but as I said I never make the last hurdle so maybe the problem is that I’m the lunatic.
Before I deleted my Tinder profile it usually had that I studied criminology so naturally the messages I received were all kinky and asking what I would do to them in some dominant prison officer role play and to their disappointment I would reply with some unsexy sarcastic response of ‘play chess and have ice tea’, which naturally resulted in them deleting the conversation as well as their fantasy.
My experiences with POF have also been very eventful.
I spoke to this one guy and exchanged whether we were studying or working and the next thing you know he blurts, yes this is a quote, “Give me your phone number before I murder everyone in London”.
Now I’m no lady but jesus christ give me a break from the crazy.
I mean buddy, we have just been talking for 3 minutes and now you’re telling me that the lives of London are in my hands. So I was taken a back and then he said “Why are girls so sensitive just hurry up and give me your number” I didn’t even have time to even read the message so naturally I was contemplating whether I should give my personal mobile number to a man I have barely spoken to and then he told me a murder plot.
Before I could catch a breath he sent a third message saying “Let me tell you a story”. I spoke to my friends on my course and they all said he is scary but they wanted to hear the story. So I asked, “What is the story?”, he replied “I don’t have a story I just wanted you to speak to me”. So as I contemplated the weird alley this conversation has gone too he then said “I’ve lost your heart, good luck finding someone, online dating isn’t for me”.
That is how the conversation started and ended.
I’ve had some conversations that go really well and then they just stop replying or I’ve forgotten that I was even speaking to someone and then three weeks have gone by.
Maybe I will meet my online Prince Charming. But first I want to give speed dating a try to ask them questions relating to Spongebob and see if there really is a match.
To my readers: what are your experiences with online dating? Any stories to share?